Big Changes

"As we grow older
The world becomes stranger, the pattern more complicated
Of dead and living. Not the intense moment
Isolated, with no before and after,
But a lifetime burning in every moment
And not the lifetime of one man only
But of old stones that cannot be deciphered."
-T.S. Eliot

I just lost my job today. At Dunn Bros. I've worked there for over a year, and loved it. I so much enjoy the people. But I think I knew that I was burning out quickly, but I refused to admit it. So, perhaps this dismissal is the blessing of free time and rest that I didn't know I needed.

But beyond just freeing up my time presently, this lack of employment also frees up most of my future plans. I don't know where I'm going to live in the next few months, either here in the cities with friends or at home with my parents (which actually sounds pretty good right now, I miss them lately). I don't know what job I'll be doing in the near future, either working in public schools in the Twin Cities, or perhaps searching out something abroad that I've been wanting to do for quite a while. There are so many decisions to be made, all within the next week. I don't know how I'm going to figure it out.

But perhaps that's not the point. I've been restless and discontent for a WHILE now, and I knew that I needed to seek out something different, outside of this context that has caused me to burn out and feel so lost.

I don't claim to be a Christian, but I am a deeply spiritual person. Whatever God might be doing, it's quite beyond my comprehension right now. And that's okay.

I'm enjoying this freedom and mystery. It will all work out. Somehow.