thoughts on a wednesday

Some days I think too much. Today, I'm thinking about everything. Relationships, summer, technology, my old church, disbelief, precious friends, family, poetry. . . . . .sometimes I feel like I have more clarity than ever, but then other times, I feel like I'm even more fucked up than before.
I read an article for my philosophy class, about holding the "tragic view" in relation to the world and life, and how we cannot be completely pessimistic about everything, and thus, we ought to hold a healthy tension of optimism and pessimism; REALISM, if you will.
I cannot count the days this year that I have wanted to give up, but yet there is something that is keeping me asking all these questions and thinking through all of these things. There are people that I know and are my dear friends that also seem to be seeking the same thing. To quote Garden State: "Maybe friends are just people who miss the same imaginary place."
Today is just yet another day. . . . .not really sure what I think. . . . .but I DO know that I want to learn, I want to know people, I want to understand this world, I want to never settle for just ordinary life. I want to read the great poets, and be able to quote them (maybe more than Scripture memorization- egads, I'm a heretic!), I want to learn to appreciate great works of art, I want to be immersed in music again, I want to climb Kilimanjaro, I want to get my master's degree, I want to live abroad (maybe forever), I want to read all the great literature. . . . . . . . .I'm so blessedly ordinary, but I guess I won't resign myself to be as such.