YoungLife camp again?

The last time that I was a leader at YoungLife camp was in August 2003. I have not been back to Castaway as a leader for two years! I've been there for random retreats and such, but it is quite unexpected that an old leader friend found me at Barnes and Noble yesterday and ask me out of the blue if I would like to be a leader for camp again. It's strange, because camp had been on my mind quite a bit in the last few weeks, and how random and unexpected this new invitation was, I agreed to it.

I have been in somewhat of an agnostic phase this summer, mostly in an effort to go through my own pilgrimage of ferreting out the hypocrisy of the church from the truth of God. I can't say that I've fully arrived (I assume I never will fully arrive at perfect truth), but somehow I still feel strongly that I am supposed to be going to camp this week, for some reason or another. It's bizarrely inexplicable, why I am not running frantically in the other direction from anything remotely Christian-oriented, but perhaps my state of brokenness will be perfect for this week ahead at camp.

I often feel that I am on the precipice of rediscovering the transcendant, deep reality that is the Christian faith, but yet I am frightened by the looming and inevitable hypocrisy of humanity. The beauty of God is still SOMEWHERE in the midst of all the turmoil of life; may I tolerate pure silence long enough to discover it, may I be brave enough to admit my own shortcomings, may I be humble enough to accept truth when it finds me, may I be wise enough to realize that God is not defined by the shallowness of humanity, may I be reflective enough to know my own depths and keep searching into the depths of God. . . . .

Off to camp tomorrow. . . .

And turning 21 tomorrow, hooray!